Gabz/mL

Gabz/mL

I fear the worst

I know what I feel but don’t know how to say it. Twenty-twenty is the worst, for many reasons, at least in my world. More specifically, because it’s elections year. Everything I see and read is bad, very bad, and very depressing. I’ve got a lot of feelings about everything that is going on moreover, a lot of fear. As positive as I want to be, I fear the worst.

To keep my sanity and mental health, I have been trying to “clean-up” my digital life as much as I can. I have filters, I have muted and unfollowed. I avoid anything and everything that would strike a chord and that would make me angry and it’s been working.

What about real life? What about my environment? I live in Idaho, Boise-fokin-Idaho. As far as my political views and beliefs, this is the worse state 😅. It is hard to drive around town and not see big monster pickups with a Trump flag or a confederate one, paired with the American flag. This is something I can’t mute, this is something I cannot unsee or ignore and it’s getting to me. Every time I look through my front door or window, I see this humongous American flag in one of my neighbor’s house, and right underneath, Trump’s. I leave my subdivision and on my way to the main road, at least three houses, with an American flag and a Trump one right next to them. On my commute, I always will with a hundred percent certainty, I will encounter big trucks with flags. I grind my teeth, every time, sometimes to the point that then my head and teeth start hurting. I get angry and depressed, deeply sad, and full of fear.

As I am typing this, my wife is filling her ballot and I will do mine right after. The saddest part is that I doubt my vote will change anything at all! Or at least in my state. If I am going to fill that ballot will be more out of principle and with the hope that people will be wiser. Then again, this is fokin Idaho.

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